Thursday, 1 November 2012

Mommy Failures of the Day

OK first of all, I am of the opinion, and correct me if I'm wrong, that women have the tendency to bash themselves- a lot.  And I am a champion at this.  It has been a very busy 6 weeks and the next two weeks are going to be even more intense.  I keep trying to tell myself that after we get through this, things will go back to "normal".  Bahaha.  That's right, because then it will be Thanksgiving, Nate's birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, and New Years.  Oh and Nate will start a new school and our daycare situation will completely change yet again.  Yep, that will be much calmer.  I am feeling very overwhelmed and I just don't feel like I can give things the attention they deserve.  Here are my curent failings as a mommy:
1.  I am sitting here blogging when I should be doing my "More Than Words" homework that is due tomorrow.
2.  I went and ran errands without the kids for 2 hours after I worked all day and barely saw them- again avoiding doing my homework.
3.  I served the kids EGGS for dinner- the slow cooker has only been out once all week.
4.  Paper is taking over my house-  I mean taking over- school papers, mail, research articles, my homework (which I am not doing), newspapers, catalogs....
5.  The house is messy, I can't keep up, and I have given up trying
6.  I yelled at Jack this evening (and almost every evening)
7.  I have no idea how I am going to make it to Jack's emergency dentist appt tomorrow at 11:30 and back in time to drop him back at school and pick Nate up for our class.- I am sure I will be late- and there is nothing I can do about it
8.  I know that our family has 3 appointments Saturday morning, other than OT, I have no idea what time the others are and have no motivation to find out
9.  I haven't called the SEED study people back to reschedule (our appt was cancelled b/c of the hurricane).  Not because I don't want to but because I have NO IDEA when we will fit this in again.
10.  I am dreading Monday- family portraits and then an appt with the boys' autism specialist.  I'd rather take Jack to the dentist- oh wait, doing that tomorrow
11.  Oh, also instead of doing my homework I colored my hair- the gray was so out of hand that I haven't worn my hair down in three weeks.
12.  I have homework for our marriage counseling that I just remembered- crap
13.  I have avoided taking the boys for a haircut for 2 months- we have portraits on Monday- when am I going to do it???
14.  I almost cried when I saw another email from Jack's teacher today- stating that his attention is not improving at all, that the school psychologist came and observed him today, and the school board advocate is coming next week. 
15.  I need to grocery shop, do the laundry, mop the floors, forget about the freaking disorganization that needs HELP
16.  I need to go to the ENT to try and figure out why I had yet another crippling migraine yesterday (yeah, because that's not at all obvious right?)- I have had this referral in hand for over 3 months. 
17.  I need to make another dental appointment for myself- more of my punishment for avoiding that for so long
18.  I wanted to beat up a five year old boy tonight- Jack rarely tells me anything about school, but he told me tonight that one of his "friends" told him he looked like a geek in his Wall-E costume....grrrrrrr.....
19.  I need to make a meal for my friend who had a baby 2 WEEKS ago and haven't done it yet. 
20.  My husband and I have not been on a date since August....
21.  I want my mommy (or I do now!)

All right, is this a list I can tackle?  I think so....first and foremost, I need to stop writing this and go do my homework.  Then I am going to bed.  And tomorrow I will get up, work, go to the appointment, go to class, and fail at a multitude of other things.  Such is life I guess.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel like I have things under control again.  I am guessing not.  Sorry about the grumbling, but well, that's just where I am today.  Good night :)

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