Feeling Like a Crappy Mommy

Sigh.  Jack is about a month into kindergarten right now, and I am stressed out everytime I open his backpack.  First of all, I am astounded by the amount of seat work they have during their first month of kindergarten.  Second of all, I am worried sick about how much of Jack's is incomplete.  I expected this.  He has major attention issues in a one on one situation, let alone in a class of 20 other five year olds with much less opportunity for individual help.  He also has significant fine motor delays, so even if attention wasn't an issue, it would take him much longer to complete assignments and put him behind to begin with.  As it is, it's a vicious cycle- he hates to write b/c it is so difficult for him, so he focuses elsewhere, and there are a ton of things he can distract himself with in this setting.  I have always worried that I didn't practice writing with him enough at home- I am not worried about that at this point- even if I sucked, his sitter is a teacher and worked extensively with him throughout the summer as did his occupational therapist.  This is just a weak point for him, and I have to accept it.  The bottom line is that when I was Jack's age, we were studying the letter people (remember Miss Obstinate?) and not expected to do even half of what Jack is expected to do.  I had half day kindergarten and remember having a nap time!  Of course it was rural Oklahoma...Blah.

My tactic has been to sit down with Jack every night and complete the work he didn't finish in class.  I could not do this for a living, at least not with a Jack.  After a full day of work and his challenging behavior all afternoon, I am about ready to pull my hair out by the time we finish these pages.  He has so little control of his writing implement- I am constantly moving his hand lower on the pencil and crayon to give him more stability, constantly telling him to keep his feet in front of him, telling him to push down harder, as this too would give him more control.  He is a lefty too, I never realized how different that feels and how challenging it can be to demonstrate things for him.  He is doing much better with tracing, but they want him to write sentences independently (copy them) and he just can't do it yet.  Lack of attention is one thing, but I think this is a bit lofty at this point for any 5 year old.  Oh, and on top of that, today officially marked the beginning of nightly homework.  Really?  Maybe I am nuts.  I will say that he is great at word identification, and he is great with numbers, recognizing quantities, patterns etc.  He has the bean for this stuff, I feel like his motor skills are holding him back big time. 

On a positive note, he comes home everyday talking about Sean and Liam.  His best friends.  Thank you God!  John and I are both ecstatic that he has some buddies.  I am volunteering in his class soon, and can't wait to see how they are interacting.  Speaking of the volunteering- this is yet another reason why I am feeling like a crappy mom.  I can't find a day to do it!  It's absolutely ridiculous.  The days for volunteering are mon,wed, fri.  Every Friday is out because of Nathan's more than words class.  Every wednesday is out because Nathan has OT and the sitter will have the car.  Mondays are technically out because of the timing and the car issue as well, I think I will have to resort to being "dropped off" by the sitter at Jack's school and picked up or walk home.  I find myself thinking about whether it would be appropriate to show up sweaty and panting- I mean I could always jog there right?  I just don't feel like I can fit everything these kids need and deserve into this craziness that is my life.  And notice, I haven't even mentioned my JOB in this scenario.  My head is spinning....must. make. more. lists.

Nighty night.