Finally had a successful yard sale today after 4 rainy Saturdays! And while it was a relief to get rid of so many cumbersome items that we never use anymore, I was a bit shocked by how emotional it was for me.
Today was the day I sold most of our baby items. this is of course hugely significant on several fronts. The memories- someone bought our old exersaucer and playmat at the same time. I could picture the boys rolling over for the first time on the mat, standing for the first time in the exersaucer- eating their cheerios while I cooked dinner (back when they could have them). Someone bought the sling I nursed both boys in for their small dog. Yes I am serious, and yeah, that was rough.
It's not just the memories though. It's the wish for what might have been, what I always wanted my family to be. Someone commented this morning- I had every undershirt, every pair of pajamas. This was because I was saving it all for the third child that I wanted so, so much. Maybe it's because John and I both came from families with 3 kids, I don't know, but this is how I always pictured our family life- 3 boys- Luke would have been next
But things change. Our boys have many needs, and that has to take top priority. Taking care of the family we already have has to come first. This decision, to declare our family complete, cannot be about me, or my wants and needs. I am not the most important person in this equation. I love my family for what it is now. Every once in a while, I need to visit this former dream, and think about this previously imagined little person who I will never meet.
Sorry to be a downer, just one of those days. Now let's indulge in some pictures of my PERFECT boys playing with the stuff their mean old mom sold today....
Jack pushing the stroller
Nate's first bath....
Nate on the playmat....
Nate in the swing.....
Jack in the boppy....
Nate focused on toys
Nate in the exersaucer
Jack in the stroller
Nate in the bouncy seat
Ridiculously good looking, I know!!!!
Today was the day I sold most of our baby items. this is of course hugely significant on several fronts. The memories- someone bought our old exersaucer and playmat at the same time. I could picture the boys rolling over for the first time on the mat, standing for the first time in the exersaucer- eating their cheerios while I cooked dinner (back when they could have them). Someone bought the sling I nursed both boys in for their small dog. Yes I am serious, and yeah, that was rough.
It's not just the memories though. It's the wish for what might have been, what I always wanted my family to be. Someone commented this morning- I had every undershirt, every pair of pajamas. This was because I was saving it all for the third child that I wanted so, so much. Maybe it's because John and I both came from families with 3 kids, I don't know, but this is how I always pictured our family life- 3 boys- Luke would have been next
But things change. Our boys have many needs, and that has to take top priority. Taking care of the family we already have has to come first. This decision, to declare our family complete, cannot be about me, or my wants and needs. I am not the most important person in this equation. I love my family for what it is now. Every once in a while, I need to visit this former dream, and think about this previously imagined little person who I will never meet.
Sorry to be a downer, just one of those days. Now let's indulge in some pictures of my PERFECT boys playing with the stuff their mean old mom sold today....
Nate's first bath....
Nate on the playmat....
Nate in the swing.....
Jack in the boppy....
Nate focused on toys
Nate in the exersaucer
Jack in the stroller
Nate in the bouncy seat
Ridiculously good looking, I know!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment