Friday, 7 June 2013

I Can Do Guilty All By Myself

I really really don't need any help AT ALL.  Those of you who read my blog regularly are aware of just how much mommy guilt I walk around with on a day to day basis.  Not enough, time, resources, money, etc. 

I do make an effort to go to as many of the kids' school activities as possible.  I volunteered in the classroom during the year when I know for a fact some parents who don't work outside of the house did not.  I went to every holiday party and even did the stinking craft at one of them.  I chaperoned the field trip.  I attended 5 buzillion IEP meetings.   I went to Jack's tea earlier this week and I went to Nate's school for the end of year party today.  Problem is, the party is Monday.  Awesome.  I'm ok with it, and didn't beat myself up over getting dates mixed up- life is crazy.  And this gave me a chance to really observe Nate in class, he pays more attention that I was expecting, so that was nice to see.  The teacher and I had a little laugh over me being there, but they are happy for any parental involvement so I just stayed.  The smile on Nate's face when he saw me was priceless.  I stayed for the rest of his class and then walked him to his bus, which takes him to Cisco Center, as I had to go back to work (like ANY working parent).  So why, pray tell, did the bus driver shame me?  "you mean you're not taking him home with you??"  "why not?".  Well, probably for the same reason your grandchild doesn't ride on your bus route with you I'm thinking.  I get the feeling she thinks I am not very involved in Nate's life- I mean my mom picks him up from the bus Mondays and then Cisco employees the rest of the week.  So she doesn't see me.  But I am working.  And she has known that for awhile.  So why question it again?

The same thing has happened with the morning bus driver/ aide.  "Why does Nate need to go to Cisco Center when you're right here?"  Because I have a full time job- I work out of the house.  "Sure you do" wink-wink, nudge-nudge.  Ummm, no really I DO!  I recognize that I do not "look" the part of a working mom.  That is one of the perks of working from home- I wear sweats, or jeans, my hair is in a ponytail.  That does not decrease the value of what I do.  Or the demands.  I have made approximately 40 phone calls today and authorized 4 organ transplants.  Some on very small children.  I have called and reassured families, ditto to impatient providers.  I have worked on palliative care for another person, and called countless others.  So there.

I don't need anyone to call me out on the fact that I am not with my kids all of the time.  I am well aware of it, and most of the time I hate it.  We need the money in order to provide them with the care they deserve, oh, and that roof over their heads as well.  And I most certainly do not need to be shamed when I have taken my lunch break to come try to convince Nathan to say "more pops" at school, but then have to return to work.  I do not need someone else to judge me- I judge myself plenty.  Thanks

1 comment:

  1. You do what you have to do and there is no shame in that. There IS shame in being self-righteous and judging others but those people I learned never see themselves that way. It's easy being a critic, don't let them get you down.