and why wouldn't Jack wear his airplane tie???
So what was inevitable on what I would consider a good day? Mommy's feelings, that's what. I feel guilty about it. I am happy that everyone had a good time, that there were no issues. But it is milestones like today that make me realize what a huge amount of work we have to do. When I see Nate next to his neurotypical peers, it's almost too much. Jack may seem a bit quirky to me (most people don't even notice) in groups, but Nate just doesn't even live in the same neighborhood. He spent about 80% of the party playing with ribbon that was used to tie up the balloons. And he ate. He acknowledged his little friend a few times and sat at the table with the other kids. He even said a few phrases. Of course he also showed off his new skill of knocking over our furniture- kid is strong. I managed to smile the whole way through the party.
After everyone left, we tried to sit down with my parents to have Nate open a gift or two. He had ZERO interest. Less than zero- he was annoyed by our intrusion. He wanted the ribbon he had been playing with. My parents are very good sports, and understand the situation, but it hurts to watch it. I mean, what would a typical three year old do with a pile of presents? Rip into them! We tried to open about 4 gifts today- the only thing he played with was this stuffed mouse that came with one of his toys- it has a long dangly tail so he could swing it around. I did it. I broke down. I left the room, and I made it until everyone, even my parents, had left. I had a good cry. I am proud that he is three. I am proud of how hard he has worked. But I am sad. And it's not going to go away. It's so hard to watch him in his own little world in these circumstances, and feel so helpless to get through to him, to help him enjoy things that other children his age would adore. He did not miss out today, not for him. He enjoyed all of his day. But as his mommy, I wish, well so many things, but most of all, today I wish he could have blown out his own candles and enjoyed his presents.