My Child Is Mocking Me

I have to give my little Natey credit- for someone with limited verbal resources, and supposed “impaired communication” (depends, in my opinion, on what you consider communication), he is certainly making potty training a wild and frankly entertaining ride for mommy.  And yes, I swear to God, my child is mocking me at this point. 

He continues to resist the potty, crying when we take him, hitting us, screaming  no, saying “don’t like”, occasionally “don’t like potty” , “don’t want”.  Anger always makes him use his words, so that’s nice to hear when you usually struggle for each word.  The hitting, not so great, neither is the kicking.  I am not one to ignore my child’s unhappiness, but this is a change in routine for Nate- he is not going to like it- it’s out of his “comfort zone” and for any child with autism this is extremely difficult.  We just have to work through it. 

He has been communicating his dislike for the potty in other ways as well- such as sitting on the potty with me for 20 minutes, walking out of the bathroom and wetting his pants  5 minutes later and then SMILING at me or laughing when I say “accident” and “uh oh” .  NOT funny.  OK, a little funny. 

He still likes to watch his little social story video about the potty sometimes.  It goes something like “go potty please.  Walk walk walk to the bathroom, pants down, sit down on potty, I’m going pee pee….” Etc.  Well I took him to the bathroom the other day and he was not happy about it.  He sat down on the potty and I whipped out my iphone to show him the story.  As the app was loading he looked at me with this sarcastic little grin on his face and said “walk, walk, walk”, and then started laughing.  Mocking.  Me.  He has never repeated words of a story like that before though, so actually it kinda made me well up a bit. 

He capped off the past few days of fun today by stalemating me from 7 am to almost 1pm- nothing- not a drop.  I decided I would give him a taste of his own medicine.  We were gonna sit there in the bathroom until he produced some results!  I was working on a test for work while he watched a movie on my phone.  After about 40 minutes, I looked over and he was going!  Halleluiah!  I praised him heavily, gave him some marshmallows- he smiled, and proceeded to drop my iphone right into the full training potty.  UGH.  

Somehow, even when I won, he got me!  Damn it!  Now my phone sat in rice for about 6 hours and is working fine, except the charger won’t fit in it, so I suspect a grain of rice is lodged somewhere where I can’t see it, which means a trip to the iphone store.  On the bright side, he stayed dry all day today!  That is the second day so far in let’s see, 11 days of potty training, which may not sound like a lot, but it is two more days than he would have had if we weren’t trying, so I’m pretty happy about it. 

The kid is a force of nature.  I am telling you, he is SMART.  He is so “in there” and just taking his own sweet time showing himself to us.  

Autism, Limited Speech, and Potty Training.....Oh My

This special task can also be described as driving yourself to the brink of insanity all while making your sweet four year old sick of your face.  Or, in my case it could also be called what I did on my very brief summer vacation.  Sigh. 

I have been psyching myself up for this for months.  I have read so many books, not on potty training typical kids, but on potty training special needs kids.  OK, I just laughed my ass off at myself.  I just said “I read so many books” with a straight face. Ha.  I will never forget when my brother in law and sister in law were first pregnant I took a bunch of books we tried with Jack over to them since we weren’t using them anymore.  I think I kind of shocked them with the variety of topics.  It never occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, it was an absurd number.   That maybe most people get, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and they’re done with it.  Oops.  We had like 30 books by then, I only brought a handful.  Most were about getting your baby to sleep.  Ask me if any of them worked.  So excuse me while I laugh at myself for a moment. 

Anyhow, I read books, my mother sent me a “helpful” power point (sorry mom, but well, ha), but really what I needed to do was steel myself emotionally for quite a process.  It is a well-known fact that kids with autism are extremely difficult to potty train, due to sensory issues, developmental delays (i.e., lack of control of bodily functions) and difficulty communicating.  Nate’s biggest issue is definitely the communication aspect.  We had super difficult sensory challenges with Jack, and we do not have those with Nate, so I can thank God for that.   I developed my “plan” and scheduled a weekend to start, then took the following Monday and Tuesday off so that Nate and I would have 4 solid days to just stay home and work on this with no interruptions.  I resolved to start with taking him every 15 minutes.  Yes, you heard that right, every 15 minutes.  My goal was to try and catch him every single time he went and reward and praise him copiously, thinking that the more positive reinforcement I was able to give him, the more the concept would sink in.

Well here’s the thing, my kid is a camel.  The child pees 3-4 times a day TOPS.  And no I am not kidding.  And still, with every 15 minutes (ok, well we increased to every 20 minutes after 2 days, with 5 minutes on the potty, then 20 minutes in between) we had….drumroll…..4 pee pee successes in 4 DAYS.  4.  4.  I said 4.  And mommy was entering a type of potty psychosis that no one ever wants to see.  Ever.  I am a very goal oriented person and was spending quite a lot of time blaming myself for “missing” opportunities, when in reality, I’m pretty sure Nate was sneaking away to go. I ended up with one of the worst migraines I have had this year.   On the third day, I found a video social story that made a big difference for us.  I am not going to say it will make a huge difference for everyone, but Nate is an extremely visual guy, and my concern was that despite all of the hoopla we were making about the potty, all the books, all the demos, etc., he didn’t understand what he was actually supposed to DO on the potty. This app gives you the opportunity to make the child look like him, and has the child walk through the potty steps, and it uses language that is very much on his level.  He loves to watch it, and I think he understood a bit better after this. 

http://www.avakid.com/

On Wednesday, I had to take him back to Cisco Center, I had to go back to work, and I really just didn’t have any choice.  I put him in a pull up and talked to the instructors, who agreed to at least try the potty once an hour.  I had zero expectations and figured we would just try again over the weekend.  And then at about noon I got a text---- “success!”  And I burst into tears.  When I went to pick him up at about 3, he hadn’t gone again the whole day- typical Nate- he had an accident the minute we walked in the door, but frankly I didn’t care.  The next day, he went right before we left the house, and around noon I got the same text “success” again- picked him up at around 4 and he had been dry all afternoon- got him to the potty right after we walked in the door and WE had success again!  Then success again before bedtime.  Which means….he stayed dry all day!!!  Now he had an accident yesterday, and I don’t anticipate we will be consistently dry for quite a while, but he is showing signs that he is “getting it” and we will take it.  And we will keep going- hourly for now.  And I am just going to have to chill out.  If we miss an opportunity it is not the end of the world- this is a marathon not a sprint.  We will get there.  

Nate- Progress and Planning For The Future

Well hello there, it's been awhile.  We've been quite busy continuing with interventions for both boys not to mention just regular summer stuff.  I've been finding it harder and harder to make myself sit down and write in the evening.  My life is pretty full, and really I do like it that way.  But it's still nice to get a chance to process things.

We are continuing to see positive changes in Nate.  We are working with the recommendations that came from the zyto scan we had in April and using quite a bit of homeopathy as well as treatment for chronic infections- I can say with great confidence that this is the best period of improvement that Nate has ever had.  His speech continues to improve, he is repeating more and more words, he said "mimi" to his grandmother for the first time a few weeks ago (that in and of itself is tear worthy after 4 and a half years), he is saying the names of more foods,  he is trying to tell us where to go, what he wants, what to do, etc.  He has a "tv technique" now, and boy is this kid bossy!  He hands you the remote, shouts go when you land on the wrong program (this is netflix or amazon streaming) until you land on the right one, then as you select episodes, he grabs the remote from you, and when the episode comes on, if it is the wrong one, he hands the remote back and says go- once you choose the right one, he takes it away and sets it down.  I of course verbalize "not this mommy", "yes this mommy" as we do it, but he is certainly doing a good job of selecting.  Same thing with food- if you try to hand him an item he doesn't want he almost knocks it out of your hand, until you produce what he wants, then he double taps and says "want" (and then I make him say the name of the item).  He also clearly comprehends what we are saying at a much higher level, as evidenced by the tantrums he throws when it's not what he wants to hear.

And of course it's not just language- it's his level of awareness.  Let me tell you- having waited for this as long as I have, I appreciate every development so much now.  I mean watching Jack learn how to read this year was completely miraculous, especially after watching Nate struggle so much with communication, and these other new developments are no less amazing.  John feels the same way.  One day last week Nate noticed Darby our little dog, he laughed and said "dog".  Yep, he noticed the dog and thought he was cute- how awesome is that?  And another really cool thing he is doing is looking at family pictures- literally picking them up and looking at family members- he particularly likes one of my whole side of the family from Thanksgiving last year and then another one of all of us with his mimi from Halloween.  He is totally noticing that they are pictures of people he knows.  He has an "interest" in dinosaurs on tv, and he is actually looking at dino books- seeking them out.  He turns his head the FIRST time I call his name every single time.  I can't say that he does for everyone else on earth but for me he does- and he did for my girlfriend last week now that I think of it.  Tonight he was pulling out his dresser drawers and investigating for the first time in years- both John and I were like- WOW!  Yes, he is 4, and yes, WOW!  Last week he pee'd on his bed and laughed at me.

We are seeing so many good things from Nate.  So I am going to keep plowing through with these interventions.  And.....these improvements are giving me some hope for his future for sure.  In a year, no matter what, he will go to kindergarten equivalent.  Whatever he is ready for- it will not be mainstream- that much I know, and I am not going to set myself up for devastation.  So it will either be a specifically special needs school, or what's called an autism "cluster" site classroom, which is in a mainstream school, and enables the children to be mainstreamed for things like lunch and "specials" (gym, music, art), and eventually academics if  they progress to that point.  It would be much easier for him to start there than for him to move there (or at least that's how I perceive it and what I want in my mind).  The biggie?  He has to be potty trained.  Potty training.  Potty training a second child with autism.  potty training.  ok.  I am doing my research and girding my loins.  I will NOT have this be the obstacle if all of the other things that we are doing bring him to a place where he has the opportunity to be in a mainstream school.  So this is going to be the new focus- even if we have to spend the month of August at home.  all the time.

Expect an upcoming everything potty training and autism post.  But don't get me wrong, this is a great challenge to have- a year ago- it wouldn't have been an option- I feel blessed that we're here!

A Happy Day

I have talked in the past about how very small or common accomplishments can feel extraordinary when your child has autism.  Yesterday was chock full of examples of this.  It was a great day, and any parent would feel that way.  I am very proud of my little boys.

First and foremost, Jack went on a field trip with his camp to a swim center and did a great job- also, he told me all about it, we had a full conversation- as in back and forth.  Then, when I brought him home at 3pm, I put on a movie for him and went upstairs to work- he did not interrupt me for over an hour.  That's the first time he has ever done that.  I still can't believe it.

John had to work late last night, so the boys and I were on our own.  As we often do, we went to Chick Fil-A for dinner last night.  My children were angels- well other than Nathan screaming when we first went in- transitions are always rough.  I was allowing Jack to have one of his favorite dietary "cheats", which is a milkshake- usually he gets so excited about it that he starts shouting and often says pretty inappropriate things to the person bringing out the shake- give that to me or I'll shoot, give it now, etc.  As much as I want to get angry over this misconduct, I know where it's coming from, he's literally in a panic.  I have taught my son manners and he knows better.  His impulse control is not the same as that of most 6 year olds- but last night he proved that it is getting better.  He said thank you :-)  Jack was watching me "torture" Nate by making him ask for more for each fry.  We were working on saying fry, which he said in the past but lost.  Jack was kind of laughing about it, and I suggested to him that it might help Nate to understand if I held his fries too and he asked for "more fry" when he wanted one.  He handed me the fries and proceeded to do this for the rest of the meal.  What a selfless thing to do!  Did we get "fry" out of Nathan?  Nope- but he was watching Jack when he said it, and he did make attempts, just didn't quite get there.  Was so proud of Jack for being a great big brother.

After dinner we headed over to Target to pick up a few things.  Target is often a nightmare with both boys in tow- Nate cries if you stop moving and Jack wants to look at everything- not the best combination!  After we got what we needed I dared to take them to the toy section.  Jack loves this of course and to my surprise last night Nate was looking at everything too.  And he got really excited when we stopped at the Toy Story section.  He reached for a woody doll and held it for several minutes, then dumped it.  But still, I have never seen him do that before.  And Mr. Jack encountered a huge display for the new movie "Planes" (soooo excited to take him to see it).  His eyes just about popped out of his head.  In the past this would have amounted to meltdown city.  Not now- he looked at each individual plane- they all have cutesy names, but of course Jack was like "um, mom, that's a corsair" (duh).  He chose one plane, and although he asked multiple times for more, he was happy with the one and left without a fuss.  We even encountered a non child friendly check out person.  I requested multiple times that after she scanned the plane she hand it back to Jack- she totally ignored me.  This would usually be another trigger, and he did start to get upset, but managed to get the words out- mom please get my plane.  So I did, and he was fine.

Here is the icing on the cake that was my day.  We all hung out upstairs together last night after we got home.  Well more specifically, Nate and I hung out on the potty and Jack played in his room (yet another thing that would never have happened 6 months ago- independent play).  Nate went on the potty- that is our second success this week.  And he really seemed to understand what was happening, helped me dump it into the toilet and flush.  He really seemed proud of himself.  This morning when I went to get him up, he was DRY.  I put him on the potty and he went again!  Now, all the practitioners have cautioned me that he is likely not ready for potty training, that if he has successes it is likely more of a coincidence type thing than anything else.  My response is this- they are probably right- but he is learning the concept of what the potty is- and what do you call a string of coincidences?  I would call it habit formation myself.  So we are going to keep this up, I have this sneaking suspicion that Nate may just surprise us.