Tuesday, 20 May 2014

This Warrior Mama Is Feeling Burnt Out!

I’ve been kind of quiet lately, I know.  Nothing is wrong per say, I am just, I am really really tired.  I go through periods where all of this really kicks my butt, and I guess that’s where I am right now.  We had an extremely busy April and early May with doctor appointments, IEP’s, etc.  And now?  It’s time for implementation of all of the plans that we made.  And it’s no joke. 
The number of different supplements the boys are on right now is overwhelming.  When they are home I am basically giving them something every hour.  Most of it is homeopathic.  I am fully committed to trying this, which means strict adherence, to a diet, and this regimen.  It’s tough.  Have I mentioned I am exhausted?  John is supportive of all that we are doing, but I am “the nurse” so I am administering everything.  I typed up instructions for him in case I am not home.  They are complex, and I admit that it makes more sense for one person to be on top of it, as it would be really easy to get signals crossed, double dose, or forget something. 
We have been doing this for a little less than a month.  Here are the changes we have noticed in the boys.  The biggest, and most life altering change in Jack is sleep- in the last 2 weeks he has woken up in the middle of the night twice.  Anyone who knows his history knows that it is normally about 5x a week and it’s for hours.  He went back to bed both of the times he woke- and both of those times were in the last 2 days- we are out of one of the parts of the regimen, waiting for the shipment. 
Nate- Mr. Nate J  Part of the regimen is causing some detoxification- it is making him very stimmy.  But through that there is this whole new assertive personality showing itself for the first time.  A little boy who instead of crawling into my bed this morning, walked into our room, grabbed my hand, pulled me out of bed and said “go, eat”.  Got it.  When he got home from school with my mom yesterday, I happened to be downstairs.  He pulled me from the front door to the family room, handed me the remote and said “go”.  He is constantly pulling us or pushing us around the house, directing us to what he wants, AND using words to get it.  Now he could direct us like this in the past, but he just didn’t.  He wasn’t motivated enough to communicate with us.  Now he is.  When he is excited about something he turns and looks at John or me because he wants to share his enjoyment.  This is also new.  There is much more I could go into, but once again, tired.

So I guess you could say I am like the little blue engine “I think I can, I think I can…”  I will give these new interventions 100% of my energy every day as long as I have hope, which right now, I do.  But you will likely hear less from me in the meantime.  If I am not tending to the boys’ needs I am at the neurologist, or talking to the neurologist, or drugged, trying to control these migraines.  Right now I wake with a headache at least 4-5 times a week.  I don’t have time for this!  Consider my spare time filled. 


  1. Sending you hugs;) "I know you can, I know you can, I know you can..." xo

  2. You're doing great! So glad you are seeing results, that can be the most motivating thing of all when you're tired and run down. Keep going! We're cheering you all the way. :-)