I had a personal experience several years ago that clearly
still impacts me to this day. I worked
with a provider where boundaries were crossed, too much personal information
was shared and an uncomfortable bond ensued that put my well-being at risk. That’s me putting it nicely. In any case, ever since that instance I have
remained very careful around other providers, probably overly careful, as I
think I finally shook my therapist’s hand (yes, I have a therapist! I have two special needs kids are you
nuts?!?) maybe 4 months ago for the first time after nearly 2 years of work,
but it has served me well.
See we have SCADS of providers running around in our family’s
situation. Occupational therapists,
speech therapists, special educators, school therapists, many many doctors and
nurses, and now just to add a new dynamic to the situation, ABA therapists and
techs. Who are IN OUR HOME. This throws a whole new wrench into my
distancing technique. I mean I am
cooking dinners, folding laundry, cleaning, and doing my job while they are
there, so there’s not much hiding on my side.
This is why I have come to appreciate THEIR professionalism even more
than I used to, even given what happened in the past.
I am all for pleasant conversation, I am all for sharing
experiences and being friendly, even friendish.
I have provider’s cell phone numbers, email addresses, and we share many
pieces of information about the boys, and occasionally even chat when it’s
relevant. You can’t be this deeply into
autism, into finding things that work for your child, without this happening to
a certain extent. I am happy to have
established bonds with these providers, I am happy that I am able to help my
kids without feeling like a bully- you catch more flies with honey- and most of
the time that is the god’s honest truth.
The bottom line, at the end of the day though is that these people are
here to help my children. When push
comes to shove, my job is not to like these people or get along with them, or
to even worry about them. My job is to
advocate for my sons and ensure that they are getting what they need and
deserve.
I have had some great recent experiences with ABA, for which
I am extremely grateful. Nate’s ABA
technician has actually really spoiled me for most other techs. I took it for granted when Nate first started
his therapy and up popped two amazing techs who focused on my child and were
committed to his success. We lost one
when she went to work at a social skills camp for the summer, but have had the
other with us since March, and watching her work with Nate shows me what ABA is
supposed to, and can be. We also
recently lost the boys’ actual ABA therapist when she moved, but the new
therapist seems great so far and there are no issues.
But Jack- poor buddy.
His first tech was almost shy with him, and when behavior management is
one of the main focuses of the therapy, and your kid is super smart, that’s
just not going to fly. Not to mention
that she had difficulty helping him with his math, because she had difficulty
completing it herself. At one point he was taught writing the time on a clock
backwards (minutes for hours and vice versa).
His teachers actually asked me what was going on with his homework
because it was coming back incorrect. I
think they were concerned about my math skills.
This was the first practitioner I have ever asked to leave in my almost
6 year autism journey with Jack. The
fight to get these services was no joke, and I was not going to stand by and
worry that he wasn’t getting what he needed.
Meanwhile, it took nearly 6 weeks to get a new tech. Which is where we are now- one month into working
with Jack’s new tech. Who, when she is
with him, and focused on HIM, is excellent.
But those are the two current issues, and they are HUGE. Since July 6th when she started, there have been 4-5
absences and 2 significant latenesses (like over an hour). I have been as empathetic to this as I
possibly can, as I of all people understand that unexpected things happen- but
at the same time, this is about JACK.
And when every session becomes about the professional, and the things
happening in their life, that is not beneficial to my son either. He should not know about deaths in the
family, or pregnancies, or cramping if the tech doesn’t drink enough
water. When he has a meltdown, and I am
reeling and he is reeling, my primary concern should not be that she is
cramping and blaming my son’s behavior for this. I do not need to hear that she is going to
the ER to get “checked out”, when the extent of my son’s aggression involved “ramming”
her with his bike that still has training wheels (by the way, he is not capable
of RAMMING, he is barely capable of forward movement while pedaling due to
gross motor weakness- and I was standing right there, and that is NOT what happened).
We signed up for ABA therapy- I went through
MONTHS of fighting to get this therapy into place. I can’t even express to you how stressful
this has been at times, how many phone calls were made, how many times I broke
down sobbing because I didn’t think I could make it happen. So when my child is in the throes of
behavioral issues that are part of an “extinction burst” of behavior brought on
by increasing demands (which are actually positive things- in the long run
anyway), I want to be able to worry about HIM.
Not how his practitioner will react, or whether it will be too stressful
physically or emotionally for HER. You
don’t train to work in ABA and pretend this type of behavior is not going to
happen. This is the reason for DOING the
therapy. I am at a crossroads with this
right now- I don’t want my son to miss any more therapy, but our house is
already full of the drama that having two children with autism brings. We don’t need added stress. This therapy is supposed to help. And help US- not give his practitioner a
place to come to vent about her life. I
really feel that we need a new tech- again, but is asking for this going to
make him miss MORE sessions? He’s
already missed so many because of our previous experience.
Bottom line- this sucks. Oh and also? BOUNDARIES PEOPLE. Know them, respect them, don't overstep them.
