Bummer Girl

Having a moment, so bear with me.  As I have mentioned before, I have Nate with me in the afternooons.  He was just standing next to me while I was on the phone, doing a lot of verbal stimming, which comes out like very loud humming.  I turned to ask him to be quiet- and then it hit me.  He has no idea what that means.

Don't get me wrong, a year ago, he wouldn't have been standing next to me, he would have been wandering.  I know that's an improvement.  But he's three.  3.  And I can't say these simple words to him with any confidence that he comprehending what I am saying. 

I have been heading down this road again with him lately- getting depressed.  And that's when I do that very dangerous thing- I go back and look at all of the pictures of him looking at me.....before

Bad idea.  Really bad idea.  Deep breaths.  He is ok.  Deep breaths.  He is currently pulling on my sleeve screaming b/c he wants tortilla chips and I am not getting them fast enough. Progress.  Huge progress.   It's all ok.  Just needed to vent for a minute.