I am constantly amazed by people. I know I know, that's very broad. I don't know how to be more specific. Stress in life brings out people's true colors, and sometimes it's so very hard to accept. Autism is the ultimate relationship tester- I am not just talking marriage, I am talking every relationship. You just never know who will be standing there 4 years down the line. People who seemed supportive through the happy times in our lives have, poof! disappeared. People who we loved very much. And I can no longer see the point in fighting for something that must have never been there to begin with. We are too busy fighting for our boys. It has taken me years, and many many tears to come to this realization. I will be honest though, it is extremely freeing, I feel more at peace when I frame things in this way.
On the positive end of things- in the past 4 years so many amazing people have entered our lives. People who would give you their last dime, or offer to watch your children on their one day off of the week just to give you some respite. People I didn't even know when we started this journey, people who I met and was sobbing to within 5 minutes, and they STILL love me, and then the near and dear friends who are still there after everything. You are the biggest blessings in our lives. You know who you are- Jo, Rhonda, Sam, Kate, Kendra, Sarah, Megs, Cisco, Carla, Whitney, our parents, Allison, Helen B, Nicole, Lexi, heck, Dr. Vickers who has become a lifeline to me- you all have enriched our lives so very much. And you have ALL watched me cry- not that it's unusual or anything these past few years. There are so many others, people I worked with at Hopkins who I didn't talk to for years who reached out when all of this happened, friends from college who are in similar boats....every word of encouragement means so so much. I try to give as good as I get, and I hope you all know that, I know that sometimes I suck, so please forgive me.
These past few months have been extremely difficult on our family spiritually and financially. We have undertaken some very time consuming, challenging therapies with the boys. It's very draining going through all of this with them- it's also very rewarding to hear your previously non-verbal 4 year old son say "Lawrence" clear as can be (well to me)- the name of one of his caregivers at Cisco Center. So we are plugging along, as usual, barely making it. But the people above see me looking tired and jump to help, ask what we need, offer support. It amazes me, and reminds me that we are good people, that we deserve this love and support. It reminds me of this statement, which I see pop up all the time on facebook and pinterest- this is exactly what all autism families should tuck in their back pockets and pull out whenever they are feeling isolated, rejected or low.